Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My Near-Death Experience with Zumba

Let me begin by saying that I have never wanted to quit a workout like I wanted to quit doing Zumba. I thought I was going to die. Ok, maybe I didn't think I was really going to die, but I was afraid of passing out.

The Zumba instructors (aka hoochies)
Jackie borrowed some Zumba DVDs from a coworker, and tonight we finally popped it in the Blu-Ray player. We slid the coffee table out of the way and pressed play. Since we were both Zumba virgins, we began with the basic tutorial of all the Zumba moves. It starts with three strippers instructors thrusting and gyrating around on the stage. They showed us each of their dance moves one at a time. We learned the booty circle, crotch thrust, hoochie hips, booby shake, and a bunch of other moves. (Disclaimer: "booty circle" is the only real name of a move we learned. I made up the other names because I can't remember their real names, but they are anatomically descriptive to what we were actually doing.)

This tutorial kept going and going and going. I was beginning to think that it would never end, but we kept stomping, jiggling, and thrusting our way around the living room. We busted out laughing with every new move. The instructors kept saying, "Now add some flavor!!" as they would gyrate and wiggle. I kept exclaiming, "I don't have enough flavor or rhythm! I'm too white for this!" By the time the hour-long tutorial was over, I was huffing and puffing and sweating like it was going out of style. Then the actual workout began. This is when I really wanted to quit, but Jackie wasn't giving up, so I pressed on. Fortunately this 20 minute flew by and actually seemed easier than the tutorial. I've never been so glad to be done with a workout. In the end, we both agreed that Zumba kicked our butts and was a good workout. My abs, butt, and calves were burning!

So I guess we're going to stick with it. Hopefully, not only will it make us skinny, but we'll learn some sexy dance moves, too!


  1. LOL This is hilarious Bruce!! Good job with the workout! Did Jackie pay for your private dance in advance though? HA!!!

  2. LOL. She didn't pay. For her, the first dance is free.

  3. This is so funny! I did zumba for the first time a few weeks ago and I felt the same way!