Satan, Thy Name is Cybex Elliptical

Tonight after eating with the in-laws at Outback and buying some furniture, Jackie wanted to stop by her office to work for a bit. She said that I should try the Snap location near her office. I thought it would be a great idea...especially to work off some of my delicious steak tonight. Little did I know that I would be in for one excruciating elliptical experience.

Some mean machines

I should have known that the shiny, metallic, fire-engine red elliptical would be trouble. It looked tough and mean. But I'd never used a Cybex machine before, so I really didn't know what to expect. Now I do.

Once I stepped onto the elliptical, I realized that being on this thing was like being hugged by the Devil's bright red arms. It was very claustrophobic feeling. I immediately missed my friendly, open elliptical at my Snap in Columbiana.

Then I started moving and quickly realized that the elliptical has a very different movement than what I'm used to. Instead of simulating running/jogging, it felt like my legs were doing some sort of high-stepping, swinging motion. (This also made my jogging shorts ride up, and I'll be the first to admit that I was showing way too much leg... at least it was too much for my comfort level. Luckily there weren't many people there.)

My legs were burning in no time, but it was hard to get into a rhythm that felt comfortable. I couldn't enjoy the workout because the machine felt so darn weird, but I was determined to get through it. I was not going to let this elliptical beat me.

I couldn't help but appreciate the irony when my iPod randomly selected Rihanna's "SOS" song. I thought, "Yes, please, someone come and rescue me!"

In addition to my legs feeling...well, weird... the handles also made my hands hurt. I kept trying to find a grip that wouldn't hurt, but my hands kept feeling like they wanted to cramp.

Ultimately, I decided that the Cybex ellipticals are some mean machines. Maybe they're meant for some super-fit folks...and I'll admit that I'm just not ready for that. While I know it was good to do something different, that elliptical was just not for me. I didn't like the way it moved. While it was nice to try something new (and I know it was good for my body to be challenged in a different way), I'll stick with my nice, more user-friendly elliptical in Columbiana.

UPDATE: 

I totally forgot about this picture I took while I was changing in the bathroom at Snap last night. It cracked me up. Cheeky, Snap Fitness marketing department, cheeky.

Y'all, my blog has gone global!

I was just checking out the stats about my blog, and it turns out that Bruce's Blog has really gotten around. Most of my readers are in the U.S., but I've also got readers in Australia, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Hungary, Denmark, and Germany!!

What cracked me up the most were the keyword searches that lead people to my blog. Out of the 7 listed on the stats page, the top 6 were related to my blog about the controversy about Rango. The seventh search that has lead people to my blog are those who googled "zumba death". I died laughing!!! (Here are the links to my Rango post and Zumba experience.)

I hope y'all are enjoying my blog. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, so I'm gonna keep blogging away!!! Hope y'all have a great day!

(Since I don't have much else to say right now, I'm gonna include some funny pictures to make reading this blog worth it... and yes, I totally stole this idea from Jackie's blog!)

I hear ya, Cookie Monster!

I sure wish this is how it worked!

Whizzing, Walking, & Wheezing...Just Another Wacky Monday

It's SPRING BREAK!!!! I hope y'all had a great Monday! Mine was definitely weird, but enjoyably wacky.

My first memory of the day is being rudely awoken by my lovely wife as she (accidentally?) elbowed me in the mouth this morning as she was rolling over in bed. It hurt. Luckily, my teeth are intact. (And for the record, the only elbow I like near my mouth is elbow macaroni.)

Then I had to go over to Mom and Dad's today to help Mom get the pets to the vet. Pretty Girl was getting her claws trimmed (or "gettin' her nails did," as Mom said this morning), and Boomer was going for a urine analysis. This sparked a conversation about between us about how in the world they get urine out of a dog. Mom kept saying that they must have a way of getting them to pee in a cup or a pan. I said that they probably had some sort of bag that they strapped on and just waited for Mother Nature to call.

After a noisy drive to the vet (Pretty Girl kept making a pitiful crying sound, and Boomer made his usual squeaking sound that he makes when he knows he's going to the vet), they told us that if we had a couple of minutes, they could do everything and we could take them home without having to pick them up later. Mom told the ladies at the front desk about our debate of how they get the pee. Turns out we were both wrong. There are no cups, pans, or bags involved. They do an ultrasound, find the bladder, and then insert a needle to extract the amount they need.

One of Boomer's crazy faces.

They asked us if we wanted to watch, and, out of curiosity, we said, "Sure!" Poor Boomer, who recently turned 8, was weighed, and then they flipped him over on the table while Dr. Thornburg prepped for the ultrasound. We watched on the screen as Doc started the ultrasound. "See that black circle?" Mary asked us. "That's the urine." While Mary was explaining this to us, Doc inserted the needle. It was only then that I noticed that Boomer was looking over at me. I wish I'd taken a picture of the expression on his face. It could only be interpreted as "WTF?" After showing us the syringe of whiz, Doc checked Boom's ears. He said his ears looked good and that the results of the whiz test would be available in a few days. Doc also told us that at 8 years old, Boomer is now considered a "senior dog," a term which Mom did not like. He's still her "baby puppy."

This is how she's spent most of her 14 years.

The Fussy Hussy was up next. They pried Pretty Girl out of her carrier and quickly clipped her nails and checked her ears. We also asked them to look up how old Pretty Girl is, because neither Mom or I could remember. Mom guessed 12; I said 15. Again, we were both wrong. Pretty Girl is 14, and they told us that she's in great shape to be so old. They didn't say anything about her being a "senior cat." (Maybe it's because it's impolite to talk about a lady's age.) I imagine that they would classify her as an "ancient cat."

When we got home, Mom asked if I wanted to go for a walk in the backyard, which she calls "the lower forty." It's more like "the back 2" acres. We walked the perimeter and zig-zagged back and forth several times. Mom's been walking the lower forty for a few weeks, and I'll admit, it is a nice walk.

I left Mom's and met Jackie at Snap. Today I wanted to work chest and abs and do cardio. With summer just a few short months away, I know that I have a long way to go before I have my beach body ready. Because I have seen how Jackie reacts to Ryan Reynolds (especially when he takes his shirt off), I use him as my motivation. While I will probably never have a six-pack like his, I will strive to get as close as I can!!

The body I want.

Me wearing a 6-pack apron. Hopefully, a preview of abs yet to come!

It may not be fatal to your body, but it could be to someone else.

When we arrived, there were some folks there trying the gym's 1-week trial. Now, I normally wouldn't criticize anyone who works out, but there was this one woman that really ticked me off. She and her friend had tried several machines and then got on the ellipticals. After about 3 minutes, the wheezing woman stepped off the elliptical and walked outside. I thought she was leaving, and then I noticed a huge plume of smoke a few seconds later. She was taking a smoke break! I wanted to go smack the cancer stick out of her hand! Why the heck would you try to improve your cardiovascular health and then go light up?!?!? What also ticked me off was that she was puffing away right in front of the door, so anyone who was coming or going would have to walk through her cancer cloud. I know that smokers say they have a right to smoke, but I am a firm believer that my right to breath clean air trumps their right to give themselves cancer. I've seen firsthand the ravages that smoking causes on a person. I watched my grandfather die of emphysema. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and I certainly don't want it to happen to me. Don't make me breath your secondhand smoke!! [stepping off my soapbox]

When it was time for me to get on Satan's spinning device the elliptical, I decided that I wanted to try a new program: the hill. It kicked my butt! To pass the time on the torture device, I've been watching movies. The other day, I finished watching Star Trek (the 2009 one). I had the pilot episode of USA's Fairly Legal (it was free on iTunes a couple of months ago, and the show has been recording in my DVR, waiting for a day when I can watch them all) on my phone, so I decided to start watching it during yesterday's cardio time. I finished it today, and let me just say that it is a great show! I love the characters and the writing. It is just another great addition to the USA lineup. (My over USA favs include Royal Pains and Covert Affairs. Check them both out this summer!)

My machine

The seated elliptical

After finishing the episode, I still had about 15 minutes left, so I jammed out to my workout mix. It gave me the boost I needed to wrap up my workout (Thanks, P!nk, Travie McCoy, and Cee Lo!). Jackie alternated between the standing elliptical, the seated elliptical (which also looks like some sort of torture device), and the treadmill. Both of us are gearing up for the Rumpshaker 5K!




After coming home and taking a shower, Jackie challenged me to a game of Phase 10. After pretty much dominating most of the game, Jackie had a miraculous comeback. I came this close [holding index finger and thumb close together] to beating her, but she phased out when I was just 1 card short of my set of 5/set of 3.

Sorry this blog is uber long, but I just wanted to share. Hope you enjoyed it!

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

This week we made it official: we're doing the Rumpshaker 5K. We've registered (Go Team Badonkadonks!) and signed our release waivers (in which I had to attest that I am an athlete--ha!)

I don't want to look like this at the 5K!!

We've also done a great job of making it to the gym. We are both super sore, but we know that the pain is worth it. I am SO glad to be able to use an elliptical again! Today I went over 6 miles.

I think I'm going to start mixing in some treadmill time during this coming week to help me get ready for the Rumpshaker. Y'all know that I don't like running outside, but I also need to incorporate some actual road running, too.

I'm really hoping to be able to hit the gym hard this week during Spring Break. I would love to lose a couple of pounds, too! While I know the weight won't just magically disappear (but, oh, how I would love it if it did!), I also want to make sure that I lose the weight the right way. I don't want to regain it...again. I'm also hoping that my skin will be able to shrink as my waist does. I think it should. I'm so excited about getting this weight off!

An "R" rating for "Rango"? I think they're just blowing smoke.

As many of you know, my primary research field in grad school is children's media, particularly movies. I just read this story about the amount of smoking in the new animated movie Rango, featuring Johnny Depp. I wan to hear from you parents out there. What are your thoughts on this?

Many children's groups and parents are upset about the number of times characters in this movie are lighting up. Some even want this film to be rated R because it depicts smoking. Can you believe that?! What is the world coming to?

While I do believe that films can certainly influence young minds, I also think that adults should also step up and talk to their kids about these issues. Letting advocacy groups and ratings gurus make these decisions is ultimately just letting parents off the hook.

Does the movie need to show these characters smoking? Probably not. But I think parents should use this film as a springboard for discussing the dangers of smoking with their children. We can't shelter them from everything. Make this a teachable moment. Don't just stick your head in the sand.

(Disclaimer: I have not seen Rango, so I do not know exactly how the smoking is being depicted. Although, according to the article, it does seem to be excessive.)

Update:
I don't want you to think I'm letting movie makers off the hook. Like I said previously, they really don't need to include this in a kid's movie. Instead of banning smoking, maybe these films should include an anti-smoking PSA before the film starts. There are certainly ways that Hollywood can step up and
make sure these kids see and know the consequences of smoking. But, ultimately, it needs to be Hollywood and parents working together to teach their kids about what tobacco use can do to your body.

My Last "Fat" Tuesday

No more fat days for me!

Today, a friend of mine that I used to work with posted a Facebook status today that really struck home with me. It said: "Remember: For some of us, every Tuesday is "fat" Tuesday." (Not to mention fat Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, well... you get the picture.) I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being fat everyday!

So I have decided that this will be my last "Fat" Tuesday. I guess it is technically my last fat Fat Tuesday. Jackie and I (after 3 days of trying) were finally able to join Snap Fitness in Columbiana yesterday, and tonight we went for our first workout. All I wanted to do was the elliptical, and I was SO excited to be going to a gym that actually had working equipment!!!

The gym was kind of busy when we got there, but Jackie and I were both able to get on ellipticals. The reason that I love ellipticals is because they don't kill my right knee like a treadmill does. Back in my skinny days, I could get on an elliptical and go on forever...at least it felt like forever then, but it was really about an hour. Well, tonight I huffed and puffed my way through a 30 minute workout. (Jackie also tried some sort of elliptical bike-type contraption. She really liked it.) I think it was the longest 30 minutes of my life, but I did over 5.4 miles during that time!

No more finding weight!!!

As we were leaving (and by "leaving," I mean "staggering to the car"), I told Jackie that I felt SO GOOD! It had been a long time since my body actually felt good after a workout. Running on the treadmill at the apartment left me feeling like crap, but the elliptical was (dare I say it?) heavenly! It was like gliding on a cloud! A cloud that kicked my butt...but a cloud nonetheless.

Of course, I can't rely solely on the elliptical. After all, we are still planning on participating in the Rumpshaker 5K on March 26th, which is the day before my birthday. Finishing that race will be a great gift to myself!

Also, for Lent, I'm giving up laziness. Next week is Spring Break, and I plan on hitting the gym hard. The gym will probably hit back, but I'm ready for the challenge!

I want to make a promise to myself (and to all of you, my faithful readers) that next year I will celebrate Fit Tuesday instead of Fat Tuesday!!!

(Jackie is also blogging about tonight's little adventure. Click here to check out her blog!)

Biting the Bullet

Well, after a couple of months of putting up with our in-a-constant-state-of-disrepair gym at the apartment complex, we are biting the bullet and going to join Snap Fitness in Columbiana.

Yesterday, we were all motivated and ready to go, so we pulled up the website and saw that the gym's staffed hours were 10-7. I suggested that we call before we left to make sure there was someone there, but Jackie said no. So we drive all the way there, only to find a sign on the door saying that the manager wouldn't be back until today at 11. When I saw it, I thought, "I told you so. Let's try again tomorrow."

We are going to head over there in a couple of minutes. I'm really excited about it, but I'm also kind of nervous. Now I won't have the excuse of blaming the crappy gym at the apartment.

It's time to buckle down and do this!